Below are excerpts taken from Rita Marley’s book, “No Woman,No Cry: My Life with Bob”. Rita is the wife of iconic reggae musician, Bob Marley. I found her book intriguing and enlightening. There is so much said about the man but not much about the woman who stood by him from the beginning till his very end, regardless of numerous unpalatable situations that are publicly known. One of such situations is his international philandering which resulted in sons and daughters from different women,hmmmm,a tough one to swallow for anyone.
These bits and pieces from her book are the ones that caught my attention and were meaningful to me, I thought to share with my readers. I encourage everyone to read her book ( buy or borrow from your local library).
Read, Grow, Occupy.
#RGO
Page 74
“But this time he was drawing something in the palm of his hand, showing me a circle. “ Listen Rita”, he said. “ You see this circle, this is like life, where we go around different places and meet different people. But inside this circle, this is where we are, you and me. And you see this line that go around it? Nobody can break that line to come into the circle with you and me, it’s protected. This is me, this is you, this is the children, all the important people are inside this ring. Anything happens outside it doesn’t have a proper meaning, and nothing can get inside. So don’t worry yourself, man, you’re safe, you’re my queen, my wife, my life”.
From then on I felt all right, reassured and very special, because Bob was genuine in the ways he expressed himself. And it was also like him to know I needed that confidence and to give it to me. So learned to ignore the follies that happened around me, to tell myself, oh, they don’t matter. That’s how I felt. And I felt, given Bob’s increasingly recognized genius, that I’d become more like a guardian- a friend, a partner – than in a possessive relationship, and that I had more responsibility than just that of a wife. This attitude would get me through the more difficult times that came later, when the “sister” thing had gone further than I’d ever expected. But I always had myself somewhere in mind ,and when anyone came at me with “Bob says you’re his sister – is that true?” I’d come back with “Yes, I’m his sister. And I’d rather be a good sister than a miserable wife”
Page 79
I don’t like to remember the summer of 1971, it was such a lot time……, I was asking myself, is this all there is? Is this what my life is gonna be? What kind of future am I making for myself and my children?
My thoughts – I can totally relate to this, continually questioning myself as to whether I can do better, be better not just for me but for my people, the people I care for and now, most recently, my son. I believe most right thinking women get to this point.
Page 87
“ I think men have less patience than women; if they try something and it doesn’t work, they immediately get upset with themselves that they didn’t do the right thing. Women tend to think first how it’s going to affect us, the children – in other words, we’re left with the responsibility.”
Page 88
“I didn’t know until then about the two young women Bob had been seeing while I was in Delaware,……… Both of these women had become pregnant at the same time, their sons born about a month after Stephen……. When I found out about the new situation, my first thought was that I needed to stand on my own two feet. Even though I still loved Bob, and was glad to see him and for the time being wanted to remain his wife, I realized that I couldn’t completely trust this man anymore with my life and my children. I really had to try to forget about him for a while – even if that was hard to do – and focus on the four children : Sharon, Cedella, Ziggy and now Stephen.
Page 89
“… So even though I was in so much pain, I said no, he’s still my husband and I don’t want to lose my husband. I asked myself, can I hold out? I knew he loved the kids as much as I did, but that he was distracted because of all the pressures, there was just too much mix up. Where there’s weakness I have to be strong, I thought. I have to be strong for the kids. Even if I’m angry as hell at Bob, I have to be strong for him. I felt I had to take the lead, and that we had to try to be friends because we were partners now, we were connected forever, we were family.”
Page 107
“ I was learning to live not only by myself with the kids, but without a full-time man – and not so much physically as emotionally.”
Page 112
“Because he knew I was married, Tacky wasn’t into our friendship for sex or having a girlfriend ( although eventually we did develop a relationship). But he was one of those who felt sympathetic toward me because of the Bob was treating me. In fact, he had occasion to witness the different women Bob sometimes brought to the house, and he was there to ask why. As for Bob, even before Tacky and I became involved, when he just thought we had a relationship, he became irrationally possessive……The next time Bob came back to Jamaica, I was almost raped. Because this is where I had drawn the line – ! I am not having sex with you”. But he insisted : “You are my wife and I want you!” And so we had sex, and I think that’s when I got pregnant again. When I discovered I was going to have another child, my first thought was, my God, what is this – because, despite trying to overlook everything and be the good sister, I was so sick of his ways!……. Still, he just couldn’t bear to know that I might find somebody who loved me as a woman. And I wasn’t trying to prove that I could, it just happened that someone was there for me, and that really saved me. Because the frustration and the insult that I had to face with Bob’s lifestyle was , in spite of the good face I showed to the world, killing me. It could have killed me. So I think God sent me a friend when I needed one.”
Page 127
“….. I also made sure that his other children got their support, that their mothers didn’t have to come around and ask. None of them can say they were ever deprived of child support. Eventually, though, it was easier to take some of those children into our household. The way I thought of it was, if you have to check for their dentist, and their school, and their this and their that, you might as well give Bob and me a cool head, give us less stress……… In our relationships I was always seen as the mother figure, the caretaker, even though some rumoured, “ Oh she wears the ring, but I have the man”, and those kind of stories. But after a certain point there were so many I couldn’t care less, and I’d think, that’s my husband, whatever.”
Page 135
“ Though Bob and I had agreed to be friends, and I dealt well enough with his womanizing, I still had to deal with his possessive attitude toward me, which he never gave up no matter what I said or did. ………. When we argued, my line was always, “ Who cares? I’m your wife but I’m not your slave, you know? I’m not gonna be your call girl, when you want to have sex you call me to your room? Or we have a relationship when you feel like? No no no! and I’m not having a relationship with you going around with all these women – every city you have to hit on somebody? Miss Brussels? Miss Miami Beach? No no no!”
Page 148
“ The youths in back fell to the floor yelling, “ Duck, Mommy, duck, duck!” I bent as low as I dared over the steering wheel and kept driving until I felt a warm thing coming down my neck and I thought,…. I’m dead, this is how dead feels. ……. One of the gunmen came to the car window and looked in and put his gun to my head, but then he said, “Everybody dead, everybody dead” and didn’t fire again. ……. I kept pretending to be dead, trying not to breathe, until I heard running footsteps………… The blood was coming through my locks and running down my face, and in the middle of telling myself I was dead all of a sudden I realized I was really still alive, and I thought, oh my God, where is Bob……. When we got there, the doctors didn’t operate on me right away because they said they couldn’t touch the bullet immediately, that it was too near the brain. So they had to allow it to settle and wait for the swelling to go down, and since this would take a few days, I was admitted to the hospital under police guard.”
Page 151
“ Married or not, Bob then went into exile in England, where Cindy was living. ……. It’s hard to describe how I felt during this time, knowing that I would have to leave my house and garden, and trying to recover from my injury ( the doctors said my thick dreadlocks saved my life). And like another invisible wound was my grief and confusion about what was happening, with Bob off living in England………. I felt tossed and turned, as if everything had started to shuffle. I would wake in the morning thinking nothing was right, wondering how long this was going to last, and if it was going to last or would it end . I kept telling myself, get ready to stand on your own two feet, you don’t want to be left out in the cold, you were trained to be independent, and now you have to be. Be strong, stand up and fight.”
Page 172
“Bob’s passing was a downfall for me. He was my strength, my man, my first heart.”
Page 185
Chapter title – “ The Beauty of God’s plan”
“If I go back to every page in my life, almost every significant moment was something I hadn’t planned for or didn’t expect to happen…… When I analyse it all, I see the events didn’t happen for the sake of themselves, or only for the day they happened but to propel a whole series of events, for a particular time to begin, for more purpose to be added.”
Page 187
“ The best thing about these kids is that they’re so – what should I call them? Not only obedient, but they’re kids without any airs. They don’t have attitudes, I guess you might say. They’re just open. And friendly. Very natural, down to earth. They don’t feel that because their Daddy is so and so, then they must be so. No, they were taught to be themselves. And they were taught at an early age, humility is the first policy. And manners. Those things. We don’t have money, but we’re going to have good manners. Just that alone – if you say good morning, and thank you, you make a good impression.”
Page 189
“ Even today, Serita is still my “purse” as I call her, a name she acquired because I had to take her on tour – three months after she was born we had to hit the road.”
Page 193
“ For a woman, inner strength and self-reliance are all-important. You really have to be the best driver at the wheel, especially when you’re steering and changing gears at the same time. Just make sure you don’t have a head-on collision.”
Page 194
“ Africa has come like a new life to me, with an ancient background, because it’s so black; and because of this I feel at home – that fight you face against your blackness in other places does not exist there.”
Page 201
“ In Jamaica, however, when you give too much you become a threat to the system, which is something I have experienced.”
“ But Bob was just tuned into the reality of the system, and how it needed to change to strengthen the weak. He was simply prophetic – he didn’t have to wear a robe. Anyway, all he ever wanted to wear was his old blue work shirt, his jeans and the boots he loved”
Page 204
“ Women do have a very strong authority that is not being used. They’re meant to be leaders also; government is not just a man’s job. It’s important for us to move that good woman from behind to beside – and sometimes in front!”
