Category: Identity

Posted on

When a black man fights a black woman

When a black man fights with a black woman, he is either fighting with his greatest ally or worst enemy, depending on how well he has chosen. This is within the context of life/covenant partnership aka marriage. 

 The perpetuation of violence – physical, verbal, psychic – of the black man towards the black woman is a travesty, a usurping of the natural order which God has created. This violence is also perpetuated by black women against black men but this is not  my focus at this time, it will be addressed a little bit later. 

 The black man who has not humbled himself before God, who has not built himself up in God is weak ( this is true of even the healed ones) – the world and its “isms” have disciplined him to fight and/or constrain the one other person to which he can genuinely ally against the massive warfare he faces in the systems of this work he has to live in – systems which are designed to keep him at the very bottom rung. ( I write not to condemn, I have a lot of compassion and empathy for my black brothers, I’m on their side). 

 Woman’s power is influence power, man resists to his own detriment. Being a woman of power means having power to endure the man, endure his innate selfishness, stubbornness and narcissism. Power to endure, to accommodate, to resist in a non confrontational manner. Non confrontational and non adversarial. Man is not, has never and will never be enemy. 

Black men and women, do not fight each other, join together and fight the systems of this world that have been designed to keep you down.  

Repair families, fight for your families – nuclear and extended. Individualism is one of the “isms” that has broken a structure that existed for centuries.

Unity is the key. 

Posted on

Random thoughts and questions on Igbo traditional weddings, 1 and 2

Random thoughts on Igbo traditional weddings (1) 

 How much more married can a person be, after 2 families and their friends have come together and shared a meal and drank over it, after two families have broken bread in agreement and given their children away to each other ? 

 I realize with the advent of missionaries and the gospel of Christ, certain aspects of Igbo tradition and culture had to be done away with. However, do we throw out the baby with the bath water? How is it that the closest to Hebrew marriage found in the bible has been relegated to second place in favour of a church wedding ( with all its attendant processes) ? These days young couples and their families bear the burden of paying for several weddings. I realize that there is a place for “church” but must it be as it is now? 

 

Some people feel that they are not married until they have had their “church wedding” , in spite of the fact that they have gone through the traditional process that is required and acknowledged by their culture. Where is the place of the black tuxedo or tail coat for and Igbo man?

Random thoughts on Igbo traditional weddings (2) : Quantum of Bride Price 

So I was speaking with my cousin who I hadn’t seen in a while and I asked what was going on with her and her husband to be, specifically about how far they had gone with regards to their wedding arrangements and she said in a tired voice “ We are making progress, they told us to bring fifty thousand naira before they give us the list. “ I was like “What ????!!!!!????” 😮 First time I had ever heard of a “pre wedding list “ fee. It seems Igbo traditional weddings are becoming even more expensive. 

My question is “Why?” 

 Some people will lay claim to tradition, others will talk about increased economic pressure in today’s world. My opinion is that old men, so called custodians of Igbo tradition have made a decision that is purely selfish in nature, to twist tradition and culture for personal gain. They have no concern for the financial strain their “decrees” have on grooms ( who are mostly young men who are not totally settled financially). Why is this allowed? Is this avarice all part of being Igbo? 

 This issue of exorbitant bride price and other related matters isn’t new. Apparently, in the old Eastern region of Nigeria, a law existed limiting the bride price to a certain amount ( Limitation of Dewey Law 1956, section 3(a))  from http://www.onlinenigeria.com/marriage/brideprice

Is greed and avarice ingrained in the Igbo psyche? Or is it a horrible stereotype that we have embraced?? Is a lorry load of yams  (amongst many other things) not excessive? A carton of skin pomade and powder, is that to start up a little shop or what??? 

Things need to change and I realize that it starts with the individual. It’s a long and hard road but it is possible.

 

 

Posted on

Occupy yourself to the fullest!

In a time where there are so many projections of the “ideal” person, be it man/woman/child/mother/student/son/teenager etcetc, it is my firm belief that each individual has to daily and fervently engage in self-examination and evaluation with loving eyes.  It is important to see yourself as you are, the minutiae of your being and actually like yourself. It is possible to be in enjoyment of your own personhood WITHOUT falling into narcissism and self-absorption. 

This is an act of war to take a hold of the territory that is you and occupy yourself to the fullest. Not to do this is to risk being swept away by mass media images that batter away at the collective consciousness of all that are alive and in possession of any of the five senses of the human body.  

It is a terrible thing when the “ideal” excludes so much of everybody else and deems them unfit to be, to just be – in peace, in happiness, in contentment and enjoyment of one’s truest and most authentic self. 

The words below are my own act of defiance against the tyranny of sameness and cancellation of my me-ness, you see, there is so much of me that is not represented as “good”. So, hurray to defiance! As you read, dare to find the crooked, imperfect thing about you and be content that you are made perfect in the eyes of the One who matters the most. 

“I like myself. 

I like the fact that I’ve got this great looking skin , which I got from my mum and my grandmothers (maternal and paternal) and my aunties. 

I like my fat thighs and my large butt 🙂 

I like the fact that as I’m now polishing my skin with a mixture of shea butter and sugar, the my stretch marks are slowly receding, with the care I’m giving. 

I like that I am curvy, there’s this cinch at my waist which makes the difference between my bust and my waist ridiculous, I like that! 🙂 

I like the fact that I’m not short and I’m not tall. I’m in between, a nice size. 

I like my face and I like my eyes. I like my teeth. 

I like the fact that I like to write, I like the fact that I can swim. 

I like that I can cook and when I cook, I do a “speedy Gonzalez”, everything happens quickly in the kitchen and after I’m done, it seems like nothing happened in there! 

I like the fact that when I cook, I talk to God and He talks to me and the food always tastes good. 

I like the fact that I can do so many things relatively well, so many skills in one package, a brown package, a mini bombshell. 

I like the fact that God likes me. He tells me in so many ways, I have such favor with people! 

I like me. I didn’t use to like me a long time ago, but now, I like me. And before you get on your high horse and say ” Oh, she’s full of herself”, I’ll ask you one question,  “Do you like you?” You better do, because no one else is going to like you like you are supposed to like you 🙂 

I like the fact that I care, my heart is moved to compassion when I need the need of another even though I might not be able to help. So many that I meet, I’m only able to meet the needs of one or two. 

I like the fact that I’ve learned how to give my best to everything I’m involved in and to be content with whatever the outcome is, knowing that I’ve given my best. 

I like the fact that I’m Nigerian and I’m African, in the 21st century, it’s AWESOME! No matter what the news will say, negative propaganda, I like the fact that I’m Nigerian. 

I like the fact that I can be so posh one minute and in the same breath, move into the deepest vernacular version of English or Igbo or pidgin English. I like the fact that I’m versatile. 

I like the fact that I’ve been through so much in my relatively short life and I’ve come out so strong, tempered steel. I like the fact that I’m Velvet-Steel – soft, rich and plush but also very hard and keen at the edges. A sharp sword, sheathed in softness. ” 

In a world that is permeated with messages that tell me that I “should” be a particular way, this is my declaration of self-love, self-enjoyment realization. If I don’t like myself first, who will? A woman who does not like herself cannot like another one ( topic for another day!)Lol

 

This was previously published on Goread.com.I have since left that platform.

Posted on

Re-reading a classic with a different set of eyes

I read “Things Fall Apart” again, in the month of April after almost two decades  I finally understood why it is such a great piece of writing and why its author is venerated. However, reading it as an adult  in this present stage of my development in thought brought certain issues to the fore : 

  • In as much as my loyalties are to the Christ and His Kingdom, I realize that the missionaries were the fore front of the war the Europeans of that time brought to the land and people of Igbo. Wittingly and/or unwittingly, they paved the way for the relentless and ruthless, utterly selfish and mercenary avarice and gluttony of the European ruling class. The gospel of Christ does not call for the decimation of a people, a change in loyalties, yes, but not a rape , a violation of a people and all the aspects of a way of life.  

It could have all happened differently , with a different effect on the land  and its peoples. Our cultural evolution , on so many levels and in so many different aspects, was catastrophically interrupted and we since have not recovered. Only in recent times has intellectual discourse begun on how, when, where to pick up the threads of our identity as a whole. 

 

  • Certain aspects of Igbo culture/tradition have to be restored and incorporated in a balanced manner and reintroduced to the lives of contemporary Igbo. 

Two sections of the book have captured my attention because of the profundity contained in several lines. The depth of meaning is immense, worlds and realities existent in several lines of words. 

  • Page 165 – “ Obierika who had been gazing steadily at his friend’s dangling body turned suddenly to the District Commissioner and said ferociously, “That man was one of the greatest men in Umuofia. You drove him to kill himself and now he will be buried like a dog….” He could not say any more. His voice trembled and choked his words.” The death of Okonkwo is a representation of the death of Igbo, things/ concepts that we stand for, the death of identity. Granted, Okonkwo was a very flawed man in his character, but his sense of identity was so strong  that instead of bowing to the aggressive incursion/attack on his sense of self, he removed himself in a violent manner; such an extreme act that was in itself a sign to those left in the realm of the living. The death of a way of life, the death of high concepts that were aspired to : honour, bravery, dignity, loyalty – to land, family, friends. Oh, such tragedy. 
  • Page 165 -166 – “ The Commissioner went away, taking 3 or 4 of the soldiers with him. In the many ways in which he had toiled to bring civilization to different parts of Africa he had learnt a number of things. One of them was that a District Commissioner must never attend to such undignified details as cutting down a hanged man from the tree. Such attention would give the natives a poor opinion of him. In the book which he planned to write he would stress that point. As he walked back to the court he thought about that book. Everyday brought him some new material. The story of this man who had killed himself would make interesting reading. One could almost write a whole chapter on him. Perhaps not a whole chapter but a reasonable paragraph, at any rate. There was so much else to include, and one must be firm in cutting out details. He had already chosen the title of the book, after much thought : The Pacification of the Primitive Tribes of the Lower Niger.” 

In one word “condescending”. 

All of Okonkwo’s life, its detail, its struggle, its significance brought low, clumped up into one chapter, nay, “a reasonable paragraph “ in a book describing one Caucasian’s experiences of his brutal tactics in conquering/dominating a people sophisticated in thought and ability, only different from his. 

This should never be forgotten. I do not advocate hatred towards ANY race. However, Igbo MUST NOT forget the effects of the incursion of Caucasians into her borders.

Read,Grow,Occupy

#RGO

This was originally written in my NeoIgbo journal 8th May,2014

Posted on

Blog post Numero Uno

The first piece of writing is always difficult, well at least for me. I was like ” Where do I begin?”, and I’ve decided to begin with self-identification, after all, this is my blog and people ought to know who their dealing with, no ? (she smiles) It is important that there is honesty between reader and writer from the get go and so this very first blog post is designed to do exactly that. Hopefully readers remain after they’ve read it, hahahahahahaha

I am stubborn,yes. This is how I have survived to this point.
I lay my heart out before the Lord my God, He sees my heart, He knows my motives and intentions towards everyone.

I am a stubborn person and I own it wholeheartedly, positive or negative. I create opportunities, I resist reality that does not conform to that which I believe to be just, right and fair.I see potentials and work to see them come to fruition. I take risks, winning sometimes, losing sometimes.My life would be easier ,I’m sure, if I wasn’t so stubborn.

Most people denigrate stubborn women, apparently, this is not a desirable attribute in the “weaker” sex. Stubborn women are problems to, in and for society at large and patriarchal males in particular.

The things I write about show my stubborn refusal to acquiesce to the status quo in the different issues that hold my intense interest. This resistance is not physical at all, it is psychic resistance, hmmm….. Resistance in mind, heart,soul, spirit.

Inequity, injustice, unrighteousness, fear, ungodly control, these are concepts I resist in my everyday life. The thing I have realized is this : in this life, you must either stubbornly resist what you consider to be wrong or those things will run over you without thinking,blowing merry whistles and partying at your demise! Hahahahahaha

I grew up in Nigeria, so yeah, I guess I had good training out there…..good training ground for warriors, Nigeria is……

*Deep breathe*

We soldier on…. Welcome to my blog 🙂